dunkeld
Active Member
Tay Springer April 2010
Posts: 2,946
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Post by dunkeld on Jan 15, 2013 7:45:03 GMT
SEX INSURANCE : Please find a list of companies below catering for most tastes: Sex with one's wife - Legal & General. Sex on the telephone - Direct Line. Sex with a Partner - Standard Life. Sex with someone Different - Go Compare. Sex with a lady of generous proportions - More Than. Sex on the back seat of a car - Sheila's Wheels.
Sex with a posh bird - Privileged. Sex with a prostitute - Commercial Union. Sex with the maid - Employer's Liability. Sex with an OAP - Saga. Sex resulting in pregnancy- General Accident. and finally Sex with a transvestite - confused.com
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Jan 15, 2013 22:50:14 GMT
And of course ; Sex on a nudist beach - Sun Life Sex on the ocean waves - Admiral.com Exhibitionist sex - Swiftcover.com Sex for heavy drinkers - TheAA.com Sex for a lot of money - Lloyds List Sex for High Society Bankers & Croupiers - HSBC.com Sex on the rebound - Scottish Widows Sex in a chocolate box - Zurich Insurance Sex whilst committing financial theft in Las Vegas - RBS.co.uk And finally ......... Sex with a group of unsuccessful fishers - NFUMutual.co.uk Let's not mention comparethemeerkat.com M SEX INSURANCE : Please find a list of companies below catering for most tastes: Sex with one's wife - Legal & General. Sex on the telephone - Direct Line. Sex with a Partner - Standard Life. Sex with someone Different - Go Compare. Sex with a lady of generous proportions - More Than. Sex on the back seat of a car - Sheila's Wheels. Sex with a posh bird - Privileged. Sex with a prostitute - Commercial Union. Sex with the maid - Employer's Liability. Sex with an OAP - Saga. Sex resulting in pregnancy- General Accident. and finally Sex with a transvestite - confused.com
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dunkeld
Active Member
Tay Springer April 2010
Posts: 2,946
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Post by dunkeld on Jan 16, 2013 7:33:55 GMT
I saw on the televison this morning that Horse meat has been found in a lot of Tesco's Beef burgers They'll be a lot of people jumping up and down about that ;D Sorry, I will get my coat
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Post by allysshrimp on Jan 16, 2013 10:52:51 GMT
I saw on the televison this morning that Horse meat has been found in a lot of Tesco's Beef burgers They'll be a lot of people jumping up and down about that ;D Sorry, I will get my coat Its just Horse's for courses Kenny. Leave me yir Jacket
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GPT
Active Member
Posts: 78
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Post by GPT on Jan 16, 2013 13:21:59 GMT
I saw on the televison this morning that Horse meat has been found in a lot of Tesco's Beef burgers They'll be a lot of people jumping up and down about that ;D Sorry, I will get my coat Its just Horse's for courses Kenny. Leave me yir Jacket I ate one and it gave me the trots.
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Post by sinkingtip on Jan 16, 2013 13:28:29 GMT
Its just Horse's for courses Kenny. Leave me yir Jacket I ate one and it gave me the trots. Neigh, I've tried one and think they're all right.
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dunkeld
Active Member
Tay Springer April 2010
Posts: 2,946
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Post by dunkeld on Jan 16, 2013 13:34:39 GMT
Missionary Teachings
A Priest was about to finish his tour of duty, and was leaving his Mission in the jungle where he has spent years teaching the natives when he realizes that the one thing he never taught them was how to speak English.
So he takes the chief for a walk in the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree."
The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."
The Priest is pleased with the response. They walk a little further and he points to a rock and says, "This is a rock."
Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock."
The Priest was really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As they peek over the top, he sees a couple of natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity.
The Priest is really flustered and quickly responds, "Man riding a bike."
The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills them.
The Priest goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and be kind
to each other, so how could he kill these people in cold blood that way?
The chief replied,* "My bike."*
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dunkeld
Active Member
Tay Springer April 2010
Posts: 2,946
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Post by dunkeld on Jan 16, 2013 13:35:40 GMT
I ate one and it gave me the trots. Neigh, I've tried one and think they're all right. Red Wine with the Red Rum - lovely
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dunkeld
Active Member
Tay Springer April 2010
Posts: 2,946
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Post by dunkeld on Jan 16, 2013 13:39:11 GMT
I rang the weak bladder helpline earlier today!
It was 1p a minute.........
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GPT
Active Member
Posts: 78
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Post by GPT on Jan 16, 2013 14:16:10 GMT
I ate one and it gave me the trots. Neigh, I've tried one and think they're all right. It's OK, I'm stable now.
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conwyrod
Advisory Board
Autumn on the Conwy
Posts: 4,659
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Post by conwyrod on Jan 16, 2013 20:23:29 GMT
Tesco burgers - Low in fat and high in Shergar
Did you know Hamburgers is an anagram of "Shergar bum"
For anyone put off Tesco's burgers...I hear their meatballs are the dogs bollocks
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Post by jamieboy72 on Jan 16, 2013 20:42:56 GMT
was in tesco's this morning & heard about this horse meat carry on that would explain all the , long faces in the que,
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Post by sinkingtip on Jan 16, 2013 21:04:01 GMT
Tesco burgers - Low in fat and high in Shergar Did you know Hamburgers is an anagram of "Shergar bum" For anyone put off Tesco's burgers...I hear their meatballs are the dogs bollocks ;D I see we are taking this to a new level John.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 16, 2013 21:55:34 GMT
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conwyrod
Advisory Board
Autumn on the Conwy
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Post by conwyrod on Jan 16, 2013 21:59:34 GMT
;D ;D ;D Out done again!
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dunkeld
Active Member
Tay Springer April 2010
Posts: 2,946
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Post by dunkeld on Jan 16, 2013 22:09:22 GMT
Brilliant SR ;D
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 16, 2013 22:23:39 GMT
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conwyrod
Advisory Board
Autumn on the Conwy
Posts: 4,659
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Post by conwyrod on Jan 16, 2013 22:23:58 GMT
I was in the Tesco cafe ordering my food & the waitress asked if I wanted anything on my burger. So I had a Fiver each way...
I didnt mind my tesco Horse Burger but really I prefer my Lidl Pony!!
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conwyrod
Advisory Board
Autumn on the Conwy
Posts: 4,659
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Post by conwyrod on Jan 16, 2013 22:26:34 GMT
Brilliant, you can't beat the British sense of humour at times like this! ;D
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burnie
Active Member
Posts: 1,183
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Post by burnie on Jan 21, 2013 20:46:08 GMT
My wife hosted a dinner party for family far and wide and everyone was encouraged to bring all their children as well. All during dinner my four-year-old niece stared at me sitting across from her. The girl could hardly eat her food for staring. I checked my shirt for spots, felt my face for food, patted my hair in place but nothing stopped her from staring at me. I tried my best to just ignore her but finally it was too much for me. I finally asked her "Why are you staring at me?" Everyone at the table had noticed her behavior and the table went quiet for her response. My little niece said "I'm just waiting to see how you drink like a fish."
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