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jokes
Sept 20, 2007 12:57:50 GMT
Post by Tyne Angler on Sept 20, 2007 12:57:50 GMT
A Scotsman walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her, 'Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for £100?'
Are you nuts?!!!' she replies, and keeps walking away. He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does.
'Would you let me bite your breasts for £1,000?' he asks again.
'Listen you; I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?'
So the Scotsman runs around the next block and faces her again.
'Would you let me bite your breasts just once for £10,000?'
She thinks about it for a while and says, 'Hmm, £10,000 -
Ok, just once, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there'.
So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world.
As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them, but not biting them.
The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, 'Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?'
'Nah', says the Scotsman.. 'Costs too much'
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jokes
Sept 20, 2007 12:58:49 GMT
Post by Tyne Angler on Sept 20, 2007 12:58:49 GMT
Two Irish hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. They managed to bag 6.
As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could take only 4 moose.
The two lads objected strongly.
'Last year we shot six. The pilot let us take them all and he had the same plane as yours.'
Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded.
However, even on full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down.
Somehow, surrounded by the moose bodies, Paddy, Mick & the pilot survived the crash.
After climbing out of the wreckage, Paddy asked Mick, 'Any idea where we are?'
'I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year.'
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jokes
Sept 21, 2007 13:59:11 GMT
Post by Tyne Angler on Sept 21, 2007 13:59:11 GMT
1)Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2) Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron". The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies , "Yes, I'm positive..."
3) A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
4) Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4a) A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
5) A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
6) A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
7) Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
8) "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's Not Unusual."
9) Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.
10)An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
11)Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
12)A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy."
13)Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mom or my dad, or maybe my older brother Colin or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I'm pretty sure it's Colin.
14)I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
15)I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. he said, "No, the steaks are too high."
16)A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"
17)I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
18)Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
19)What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
20)Two termites walk into a bar. One asked, "Is the bar tender here."
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jokes
Sept 23, 2007 19:27:49 GMT
Post by salmonnut on Sept 23, 2007 19:27:49 GMT
bye
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Speyducer
Advisory Board
Release to spawn another day
Posts: 4,123
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jokes
Sept 23, 2007 19:49:21 GMT
Post by Speyducer on Sept 23, 2007 19:49:21 GMT
I know to zip-all about footie -
However, are you an optimist, a pessimist, or management?
To an optimist, the glass is half full,
To a pessimist, the glass is half empty,
To management, the glass is bigger than it needs to be!
Mike
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jokes
Oct 4, 2007 18:57:40 GMT
Post by neptune on Oct 4, 2007 18:57:40 GMT
woke up this morning feeling like a teepee then after dinner i felt like a big top doctor says im too tents
while i was at the docs i said i have the toilet at 5:00 every morning he said whats wrong with that i said i dont get up till 6
my mates in love with 2 school bags doc says hes bi-satchell ;D ;D ;D
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