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Joke
Nov 29, 2007 16:00:11 GMT
Post by Tyne Angler on Nov 29, 2007 16:00:11 GMT
A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.
Although they were embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly.... he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.
At 1:00 am , the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold".
"I have a better idea, " she replied. " Just for tonight, let's just pretend that we're married. " "Wow! That's a great idea! " he exclaimed!
"Good, " she replied... " Get your own f***ing blanket. "
After a stunned moment of silence, he farted.
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hornet
Active Member
Posts: 1,120
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Joke
Nov 29, 2007 18:04:23 GMT
Post by hornet on Nov 29, 2007 18:04:23 GMT
VG ;D ;D
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Joke
Dec 14, 2007 14:43:00 GMT
Post by Tyne Angler on Dec 14, 2007 14:43:00 GMT
Scientists have recently discovered that all beer contains traces of female hormones.
To test their theory they took 100 men and gave them 12 pints each.
They discovered that 100% of those tested started talking ******** and couldn't drive.
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Joke
Dec 14, 2007 14:45:07 GMT
Post by Tyne Angler on Dec 14, 2007 14:45:07 GMT
A man walks into a chemists with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad? To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex."
"Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. Yes, I've heard of that in biology class at school."
He looks over the display and picks up a packet of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?"
The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys, ONE for Friday, ONE for Saturday, and ONE for Sunday."
"Cool" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?"
"Those are for university students," the dad answers, TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack.
With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. ONE for January, ONE for February, ...
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Joke
Dec 14, 2007 15:03:16 GMT
Post by Tyne Angler on Dec 14, 2007 15:03:16 GMT
A man enters a confessional and says to the Irish priest "Father, it has been one month since my last confession. I have had sex with Fannie Green every week for the past month." The priest tells the sinner "you are forgiven, go out and say three hail Mary's." Soon, another man goes in "Father forgive me, it has been two months since my last confession., I have had sex with Fannie Green twice a week for the past two months." "Who is this Fannie Green?" the priest asked. "She is a new woman in the neighbourhood." the sinner replied. "Very well," said the priest "go and say ten hail Mary's and three our fathers." The next morning in church, the priest is just about to deliver his sermon when a gorgeous, slim red headed woman enters the church. All the men's eyes fall upon her as she slowly sashays up the aisle and sits down in front of the altar. Her dress is green and very short with matching emerald green shoes. The priest and altar boy gasp as the woman sits down with her legs slightly spread apart, sharon stone style. The priest turned to the altar boy and said in a whisper "Is that Fannie Green?" The altar boy replies...."No Father, I think it's the reflection off her shoes."
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Joke
Dec 15, 2007 12:21:53 GMT
Post by neptune on Dec 15, 2007 12:21:53 GMT
little sally got home from school & said to her mother, johnny showed me his willy today. before she could answer sally said it reminded me of a peanut felling releived with a little smile on her face her mother asked why is it that small sally replied no it tasted salty
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robbie
Active Member
Posts: 882
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Joke
Dec 17, 2007 20:13:17 GMT
Post by robbie on Dec 17, 2007 20:13:17 GMT
This Year's First Christmas Joke Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
"In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle", he said. "You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells." Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates".
The third man, Jack, started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?" v v v v v The man replied, "These are Carols."
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Joke
Dec 20, 2007 11:47:23 GMT
Post by Tyne Angler on Dec 20, 2007 11:47:23 GMT
A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours."
The guy left. A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours."
The guy left. A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop and said, "About an hour and a half."
The guy left.
The barber turned to his friend and said, "Hey, Bill, do me a favour. Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come back."
A little while later, Bill returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.
The barber asked, "So, where does that guy go when he leaves?"
Bill looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said,
"Your house!"
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